


Please just talk to me!

by adashofinspiration



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Nonverbal Communication, Rated T for swearing, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27927343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adashofinspiration/pseuds/adashofinspiration
Summary: Tsukishima’s life and mental health have been going on a downward spiral ever since Yamaguchi got a girlfriend. Now, things have gone too far, so Yamaguchi decides to do something about it.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	Please just talk to me!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I’m really happy that you’re here. I hammered this out over a few days on a whim and I’m now really happy I did because I’m actually pretty proud of it. It’s angsty but it’s also really sweet, so hopefully you’ll enjoy it. I also have a short bokuaka fic that I will be posting soon along with a much longer Kuroken fic so if you’re interested in either of those stay tuned! I would also like to thank my friend @TheClownCorporation for beta reading this. You are such a gem and I appreciate you! Alright, happy reading!

Today was terrible. It was my third day missing school (which was fine because I’m ahead anyways), but that meant that Yamaguchi knew something was up. I almost never miss school for more than a day when I get sick, let alone two, so this third day was probably causing alarm bells to ring in Yamaguchi’s head. I couldn’t motivate myself to go. I couldn’t face him. He couldn’t see me like this. 

Yes, my mental state has been slowly declining ever since he got a girlfriend. I first found myself starting to avoid him out of jealousy for her, which turned into avoiding him out of guilt (I didn’t want to see him sad or worried about me), which turned into me not wanting him to see me in this state. Really fucking missing him has only made things worse, and is probably why I am where I am now. 

I pulled my sheets far above my head as soon as I heard the doorbell ring. I knew it was Yamaguchi after he spam texted me all day. I never responded to him since I couldn’t even make myself face him over text. God, I’m terrible. 

I soon heard his feet pounding on the stairs before he knocked on my bedroom door. I didn’t answer, and I hated everything about it. After some persistent knocking, he just let himself in. I tried to quickly sit up before he took his spot next to me on my bed. I didn’t want him to know that I’d actually spent most of the day in bed. Since I had to see him, I was going to be dignified even if I was terrified.

“You know what this is about, Tsukki...” It was nice to see his beautiful face, but not like this. I could see worry lines and bags under his eyes, which looked filled with pain. He seemed tired, melancholy even, and I hated it. I wanted that Yamaguchi to never exist again. Therefore, I did everything I could to make that end.

“Yamaguchi, I’ve already told you I’m gonna be fine. I’ll be back to school on monday, I’m sure.” Lies. All lies. Anything to make him feel any sort of relief. Even if this wouldn’t work in the long term, it would do for now. I had no long term solution, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did nothing to fix this. Unfortunately, he saw right through it immediately. Suddenly he slammed his fist down on the bed, bouncing both of us before taking a deep breath.

“Tsukki, you said you’d be back today yesterday, and two days ago you said you’d be back yesterday. Heck, even before that you were slowly slipping away, saying you were busy more and more often. That would just make me think you were avoiding me, but I’ve noticed how unhappy you’ve become in general as well. You’ve been meandering home from school when you always used to walk briskly. So Tsukki, please please please tell me what’s going on. I want to help you!” 

God if he knew... What would he do if he knew? Fuck I don’t know. He’d probably either leave me because he loves me, or insistently stay because he loves me. I didn’t know which option I liked better, though I realized that I’d better just tell him because he was not going to get off my ass. I hesitantly opened my mouth to tell him, but then the words came out all wrong at the last minute.

“Of course I look unhappy. You think being with shrimpy and his dumbass setter all the time makes me happy? Don’t get me started on the kids in our class.” Yamaguchi then had the nerve to stare intensely into my eyes and it made my heart bounce around all over my chest. I hated that I couldn’t hold his stare for very long and that I looked away very quickly. 

“Cut the bullshit. You used to get through the days with all those people just fine. Please just tell me what’s wrong.” I jumped. I was not used to Yamaguchi being so up front with me. His voice burned with irritation. It scratched a bit, as it always does when he gets angry, and I found it endearing. God, I love him too much. Too bad he’ll never be mine. I attempted to tell him again, but once again I was betrayed by my body. Instead, I started laughing. I’ve never liked being vulnerable, but now that I’m avoiding it at all costs, my actions are really pissing me off.

“You really think I’m gonna do that? When do I ever talked about my feelings? Oh right, never. You might as well just leave now because this is a waste of time.” My words pierced him like a sword. He looked down before clenching his fist tighter and raising his head back up to look me in the eye. 

“Yeah, and it’s terrible for you. Look at where you ended up. I don’t want this for you, Tsukki. I want to see you happy and at your best, and I hope you do too. Please, Tsukki! Please just talk to me!” Yamaguchi begged desperately. I could hear the pain in his voice now, the desperation, and it only served to torment me. I despised seeing him like this with my whole being. I felt angry at the world for making him best friends with someone like me who keeps treating him like this. I’m too emotionally congested to function but I never find the courage to let any of it out and I hate that its bringing him down with me. I decide to try one more time just for him to let this out, but I panicked and switch to being a jerk at the last second yet again. 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi. Don’t you have more important things to do than sitting here with me in this shit hole?” Yamaguchi paled. I knew it. He was probably late for one of those dates with his stupid girlfriend all because he was worried for me. Stupid Yamaguchi...

“Go. Don’t you like to be punctual?” My voice dripped with acid. I was commanding, and Yamaguchi listened, skittering away to wherever he needed to be. I thought I’d get to spend the rest of my night stewing in the guilt of not telling him, but Yamaguchi came rushing back into my room (which is accurately described when called a shit hole) a minute or two later with tears in his eyes. He angrily grabbed my shirt and started to shake me. 

“TSUKKI!- KEI! Cut the bullshit RIGHT NOW! I am done sitting here doing nothing as you suffer and it’s been affecting me as much as you so for the love of god, let me help you! Talk to me!” I was stunned by Yamaguchi’s assertiveness before I let the words sink in. I saw the tears streaking down his face, and I knew I was the cause of his pain.

“It’s what friends are for, dumbass,” he added as he tried to wipe his eyes. I instantly broke. The guilt was too much. I could feel tears starting to run down from my eyes as I tried to choke out an apology, but my throat wouldn’t work. I was strictly not allowing myself to say anything else stupid, so nothing was coming out. I did everything in my power to suppress the tears and get the words to come out without throwing up. I did not succeed fast enough and Yamaguchi noticed. 

“...Tsukki?” I know Yamaguchi like I know the back of my own hand. I could hear the pain in his voice. The natural need to really cry was growing stronger, and I was having a harder time resisting it. 

“It’s ok to cry, you know,” he told me. I was so incredibly tired, so tired from all of this, along with my other commitments on top of these intense feelings, which have also been buried because of my emotional conjestion. The only thing left was to give in to the tears, no matter how much I didn’t want to. Yamaguchi would grow even more angry with me too if I didn’t.

Crying was terrifying. Even though I’d been really stupid, he began to comfort me, rubbing circles onto my back like his mother always used to do. It was strange, but I could feel this waterfall of feelings pouring out of my body and I then knew that this was necessary. Who knows how much longer I could’ve lived like that. I then remembered how Yamaguchi was feeling, and I began to cry even more out of guilt for making him do this when he was already so distraught. I wanted to help him too, but I my head was too jumbled to even begin with that. After a long time, my eyes gave out and I settled into a calm thanks to Yamaguchi, blessed Yamaguchi who I will never deserve. 

“Tsukki, can you please talk to me now?” he asked me once I was completely calm. He looked to me calmly, warmly, and I felt safe. I still didn’t know what to say, but I knew backing out of this was not an option either. I wouldn’t let myself. Unfortunately, words never came out. The panic that came with opening my mouth happened again and my throat start to close up. That was not going to work, so I was going to have to get creative. Where I found this sudden burst of creativity, I am still not sure, but I will always be thankful for it. Yamaguchi was patient with me, thankfully. He only nagged a couple of times as I was figuring out how to tell him. I soon remembered the song I’d had on repeat the past few weeks. I thought it would explain everything that I couldn’t. 

Yamaguchi looked up at me in surprise as I put my headphones over his ears. I guessed that he’d been too busy with his own stewing to notice my movements. I pressed play, and Yamaguchi began to listen to Heather by Conan Gray. As he listened, he obviously grew more and more confused, but also concerned. I nervously fidgeted with my hoodie’s zipper as I waited for him to finish the song. 

“Who is it?” he asked as the song came to an end. Of course he didn’t figure it out from that alone. If any god or gods existed, they were never kind to me. I did not know what else to do that could possibly let him know. The thought of telling him straight to his face made me want to vomit, yet he needed to know so urgently. Yamaguchi deserved to know after all this bullshit. It became even more urgent when Yamaguchi let out a “hm? Tsukki?” My brain started to go into overdrive and my instincts started to kick in.

‘I’m in love with you.’ I tapped it out super fast onto Yamaguchi’s arm in morse code. We had a coding phase in elementary school where we used it as our secret language. We quickly grew out of using it all the time, but we still sometimes used it in middle school when Yamaguchi didn’t have the courage to speak. After I tapped this out I scooted away from where Yamaguchi was sitting on my bed to try and give him some space as he processed this. 

“Could you please do that again? More slowly? I didn’t quite catch that.” Again, huh? It was hard enough doing it the first time, but I somehow managed to do it a second time more slowly without my throat completely closing up, or my hands shaking too much. I scooted back to my side of the bed much faster this time as Yamaguchi processed this information. His face started to instantly heat up, and I braced myself for how he would react. Unexpectedly, his eyes started to become glassy, as he started to choke out lots of words very quickly between sobs and I did my best to listen and comfort him as he was about to stomp on my heart. 

“Tsukki... I’m so sorry... I... I love you too and... I’m so stupid. I said yes to Akiko because I thought... maybe I could... get over you. I never thought that you could... like me back. We actually broke up... a couple of days ago...” he continued to ramble as I did my best to comfort him. I was not expecting what he said, but I did my best to not look too shocked (spoiler alert: I failed). The words made me glad, but also sad for Yamaguchi not being into someone better. Nevertheless, I knew I was going to take it anyway because this is what we both wanted. I sat next to him with my arm wrapped around him while I played with his hair with my other hand. I knew it always used to help him when we were younger so it was my best shot. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to full on hold him. Something was holding me back, and it was probably that I didn’t feel worthy of holding him. 

Luckily, he just crawled into my arms once he finished talking. I then lied down on my bed, pulling him down with me, and we let the cicadas lull us to sleep. ‘Sweet dreams, Yamaguchi,’ I thought to myself as I drifted off. His hair smelled like strawberries, and I smiled.


End file.
